“If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.” – Will Rogers
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job!” – George Carlin
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.” – Charles de Gaulle
“I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.” – Rita Rudner
“I don’t think twice about picking up my dog’s poop, but if another dog’s poop is next to it, I think, ‘Eww, dog poop!” – Jonah Goldberg
“A well trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.” – Helen Thomson
“Dogs never bite me. Just humans.” – Marilyn Monroe
“Reason number 106 why dogs are smarter than humans: once you leave the litter, you sever contact with your mothers.” – Jodi Picoult
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.” – Franklin P. Jones
“Dogs have given us their absolute all. We are the centre of their universe. We are the focus of their love and faith and trust. They serve us in return for scraps. It is without a doubt the best deal man has ever made.” – Roger A. Caras
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.” – Terry Pratchett
“You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.” – Harry Truman
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” – Ann Landers
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.” – Roger A. Caras
“Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul, chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth!” – Anne Tyler
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” – Andy Rooney
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: The mail man is not to be trusted.” – Sian Ford
“My cats inspire me daily. They inspire me to get a dog!” – Greg Curtis
“Even the tiniest Poodle or Chihuahua is still a wolf at heart.” – Dorothy Hinshaw